&...some boyhood b r a v e r y [o.pen]

[willow requiem]

Lithium, don't want to lock me up inside.
Lithium, don't want to forget how it feels without...
Lithium, I want to stay in love with my sorrow.
Oh, but God, I want to let it go.

The sound of children's laughter filled the park as Willow walked through the winding trees, her deep brown eyes watching avidly the path which she took. Two children, a boy and a girl who were obviously siblings, streaked past her together, giggling as they played. A pang shot through Willow's heart as she remembered her brother, the way they used to play together when the world seemed too tough. Their world was too tough, how they were always living in perpetual fear. That fear, or the person who brought about that fear, was the reason why Maddox was no longer here. Neither was her mother. The all-too-familiar guilt ate at her heart but she pushed it away, placing a hand on her stomach. No time for guilt now...the baby needs you.

Finding a vacant bench, Willow took a seat, looking down at her swollen belly. It was still surreal to think that there was a child inside that bump. Her child. If it was a boy his name would be Maddox, she decided. A girl, AJ. Once again sadness shot through her heart, painful, gut-wrenching sadness. Willow would be the only family this baby had. It didn't even have a father. No grandparents, no uncle, no siblings...just a nineteen-year-old mother and her foster parent. Nathalia wasn't reliable enough, however. Fame has a price. So when the baby is born, Willow will be all alone with a screaming crapping machine. No, she didn't mean that...even now, she loved this child. Even as it ate at her and ruined her chances at almost everything, she loved it.

A chilly wind blew by and she wrapped herself a little deeper in her trenchcoat, rubbing her maternity jean-clad thighs to try and stimulate the blood flow. Willow's body had been going haywire since the conception, probably from all the drug usage prior to the rape. Willow looked down at her knees, her throat constricting as she remembered the proceeding trial - the man who had abused her so horribly staring at her, staring at the bump that he'd created through no act that such a great thing should be created. Oliver Cummins, his name was. A good-looking guy, save for the mad glint in his too-green eyes. He'd recieved thirty years imprisonment with no parole. Apparently he'd raped and molested a total of 514 women over the course of ten years, but Willow was the only one who'd gotten pregnant. Some odds.

No matter the consequences of the conception, Willow was happy she was pregnant. She knew that she'd never be alone, there was someone she could always love. All Willow hoped for was that she didn't turn out like her father, abusive and hating. Willow still had the scars from the night that he'd killed Maddox and AJ. Two on the back of her neck, five splayed across her back, and eight on her ribs. One, the thickest, was striped across her navel, the same place that now was rounded with pregnancy. Willow slowly stroked the knotted line, feeling a small tremor from inside her belly. The black maternity shirt thankfully covered most of her stomach, including the scar, so had anyone walked past they would have just thought she was caressing her bump.

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[caleb ward]

Seagulls flying on the sky above combined with the sound of crashing waves made the noise only beaches had; the noise that somehow involved him in different feelings. Those were feelings which made him think, and wander aimlessly. Taking slow but large steps, Caleb wandered by the beach, on the sand. His dark brown eyes looked at the direction of the horizon by his side but his brain cells received none of those images. What he saw was beyond the line of light and reflection; he saw his life as it is now and how it had been years ago. And they were exactly the same. The only dramatic change the course of his life had ever had was when he opted to major on music instead of being a layer or a business man as his father had wanted. Wow, that was certainly big.

Being tall and long legged naturally made the male walk fast. At the moment he had arrived at a somewhat end of the beach, and was heading up some sort of stairs, leaving the sand behind. Now heading to his favorite spot in town, Caleb actually focused his eyes and mind on what he was doing. He was going to the park, only a little away from where he stood. Not like he cared to walk long distances, he was really just in a mood to be at the park. It was another place that made him think, but it also inspired him just being there and a little inspiration was always good.

A few lines of thoughts and wanders after the male found himself by the park entrance. It was pretty through out all year but he thought it was much better during winter. Not that it was snowing, after all he was in California, but it was almost like the density of the air was different, heavier, making everything around it change. He liked that, as much as he wasn’t that much of a poet, he could write something plausible about what the reflection of light made him see now.

Too bad he hadn’t brought a note pad, but writing hadn’t been the reason he had headed out of his university dorm anyway. Caleb had really gone out for a time to think, he never actually thought about his life in the madness a university could be before the holidays. He wasn’t going home this year; it would be a waste of money hence he had to be back on January for his sister’s wedding. What an idea had his sister had, to ask him to walk her down the isle instead of their old man doing it. As much as he was taller than her, he was younger and really had no right to ‘give’ her to another man as she had never been his as she had been of their father. Either way, his dad couldn’t do it, so he had to. No bad moods though, he was actually looking forward to that. It would certainly make him look important and tuxedos did look good on him, therefore he had nothing to be against of.

Walking down the park, the male began looking for a bench to sit. One of them was taken by a couple of elderly people, another one was taken by a babysitter talking on her cell phone, the next was serving as a sort of ride for two kids who ran around it and the last one was taken by a female who looked the same age as him. Taking a few minutes to watch her before his approach, he noticed she was looking down. To him she didn’t look like the most cheerful person on earth right now, she actually looked like she could do with a friendly talk. “Excuse me, miss, mind if I sit here?” Polite as always and with his Texas’ accent, he asked mentioning a place next to her on the same bench.

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[willow requiem]

Don't want your hand this time
I'll save myself.
Maybe I'll wake up for once
Not tormented daily defeated by you
Just when I thought I'd reached the bottom
I've died again

One day, baby, I'm going to take you here and tell you about everything. And then we'll laugh at how silly Mom was being, Willow thought, twirling a finger in her black T-shirt. She had been pretty silly. Maybe one day the two of them, mother and child, could look back on this and smile. The days before one of them had even seen the world, and before the other had truly experienced life. They would have their little inside jokes and their knowing looks. Perhaps it was just a fantasy, but Willow felt as if they would be extremely close. Maybe it was just her predicament - in college, no family, knocked up - that made her so desperate for this baby's acceptance. This baby would give her some meaning.

Leaning back a little on the bench, Willow produced a pen and tiny notebook from her small black handbag, then began to write in her tiny cursive handwriting. What she was writing, she couldn't exactly say...it was just a monologue of sorts, her thoughts on that sheet of paper. She was definitely no grand writer, but she could write some okay things. As a kid she'd won a few awards for her macabre short stories and poetry, but as she grew up that talent had been pushed away to make room for university, and now, a baby. She paused after filling a few pages to stare up at the sky, the way the pre-sunset colors tinged the clouds a deep gold. A sad, rare half-smile curled her lips before she got back to writing, filling another two pages before shutting the notebook and closing her eyes, placing her hand once again on her stomach in the same manner as before.

Excuse me miss, mind if I sit here? The voice startled Willow from her reverie and she quickly opened her eyes, only to be met with a guy she'd seen around the college campus at one point or another. He was pretty handsome, she had to admit. In the back of her mind she jokingly wondered if he had a sister. "Yeah, yeah...of course," she murmured, shuffling over and making some space for him on the seat while holding her bump for a little extra support. "You're at the university, right?" she asked, looking over at him with those big brown eyes. She didn't mean to be so startled, but ever since the rape it's been hard to handle it.

ooc; agggh, sorry about the crappyness. i'll make it up to you, swear!

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[caleb ward]

Caleb smiled as she replied and made room for her. Of course he didn’t mean to invade anyone’s privacy, but there was no other place for him to sit and the walk he had just taken did make his legs slightly painful. “Thanks” Even with strangers, or somewhat strangers, for she was oddly familiar to him, the male could never be rude. It was something you learned when you were the only male in a family, especially of a traditional and somehow simple family he had. Caleb’s parents were very polite people, they had been raised very well, and they too raised their kids like that. Back when the entire family still lived together, even having six people home, you would never hear absurd loud noises, or yelling, loud music, nothing of that sort. The Wards are, always were and possibly will always be very polite people.

So that is where he had seen her before! “Yes, I am.” He said, showing some sort of relief. “You live on those dorms too, right? Well I am Caleb” He hurried to introduce himself before she could be thinking he was a stalker or something. “Dorm 101” He continued, smiling his prize winning white smile. Caleb hated making other people uncomfortable as much as he hated when he felt uncomfortable, so that was definitely a situation he trying his hardest to avoid, no matter if he could look quite silly. Say, he’d much rather look silly then intimidated, of course.

Not really meaning to notice anything, but noticing it nonetheless, he watched how she had her hands on her tummy, noticing that there wasn’t a straight belly as he would have expected for such a light looking girl, but a slight bump. Pregnancy in university was quite normal, Caleb knew, but she didn’t look like the type of girl who’d… well, do that. Wanting his hardest to ask, the male held back his curiosity fully, trying not to invade anymore of her privacy then he already had. Crap, eveb though he tried, now he felt very uncomfortable, and all he wanted now was for his legs to stop aching so he could get back to his walk and leave the awkwardness behind.


ooc; baah, ish ok. Mine sucks harder, hehe.

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[willow requiem]

I don't care if your world is ending today
Because I wasn't invited to it anyway
You said I tasted famous, so I drew you a heart
But now I'm not an artist I'm a fucking work of art
I've got an F and a C and I got a K too
And the only thing that's missing is a bitch like you

A quiet sigh escaped Willow's lips as she leaned back a little more against the bench, her short hair falling a little into her huge brown eyes. A hawk flew across the sky, creating a silhouette that made Willow wish she could take good photos - it was such a beautiful sight, just one of those things that just passed by ever-so-quietly and was never noticed by the too-busy world. Hmm, she liked that. She smiled at herself a little as the guy from the university sat down, but she quickly came to her senses and shuffled over for him so he'd have some room. Sometimes she hated having a pregnancy ass - this was one of those times.

"Caleb...that's nice,"

[/u] Willow couldn't help but to mention that - ever since she'd found out she was pregnant she'd taken to analyzing people's names. "I'm Willow. Dorm 103. You're from...Texas? Or was it Tennessee?" An involuntary flush creeped up Willow's cheeks at her fumble, and she quickly turned back to her stomach. She quickly picked herself back up and her cheeks returned to their natural pale hue. "You're majoring in music right? I keep hearing somebody playing the guitar."[/u] Yes, it was a terrible conversation starter but hell, at least it'd keep them talking. Willow detested uncomfortable silences.

Willow couldn't help but notice Caleb staring at her stomach. A little smile lit up her features as she debated what to do. Should she make up a boyfriend or just tell him the truth? The latter immediately won out; she hated lying as much as she hated liars. "I was, um...raped, a few months ago. I'm surprised you didn't hear about it, everyone around campus knows. It was televised and everything."[/u] Only because I'm the daughter of a psychotic murderer, Willow wanted to say, but she kept her mouth shut and looked back to her stomach, running a finger over the scar once again.[/color][/size][/font][/blockquote][/blockquote][/blockquote]